I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
