So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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