census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
