I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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