I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
