I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
