So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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