thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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