he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
