His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
