so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
