the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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