you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
