This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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