Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
