Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
