When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
