If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
