I want to have your abortion
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
