Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
