I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
