I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
