We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
