just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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