If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
