Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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