Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
