YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
