well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
