I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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