Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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