We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
