Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
