I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize