Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
