Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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