The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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