i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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