oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
