You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
