only if we run a train.
done.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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