yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
