Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
