just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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