In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
