I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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