That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
