Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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