Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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