I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
