I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize