Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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