I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
